The Wedding Ring Scar

My pastor shared a story last weekend about a scar he had that reminded him of an answered prayer and I was inspired to rethink my scar. I decided I needed to love my scar and not be ashamed of it and see it for what it is. Its an outward sign of a inward change still on my finger to remind me of how very far I have come. It's a sign of how powerful God is.

I was divorced 3 years ago and when I took off my wedding ring about 3 1/2 years ago I had a severe wound underneath my ring. Let me tell you how it got there.

When I got married I was hurting from childhood abuse and fear. I was always overweight growing up and was still very heavy at the time my ex husband and I got married.

Because food was my choice for coping with life I gained over 150 pounds during my 10 year marriage while dealing with a husband who had an addiction and who worked as a missionary and for the church during our marriage.

Even though my ex husband was an addict I was willing to fight for our marriage and never ever wanted to give up. My ex-husband decided that he wanted something different than what he had promised on our wedding day. He didn’t want God or me anymore and so our divorce became final 3 years ago this month.

I gained so much weight during the marriage and since my ring had never been sized up it was literally wounding me. I was so determined during the marriage to never ever take my ring off that it had dung into my skin and created a deep scar where the ring had been. When I finally had gotten it off 3 1/2 years ago it had bled and blistered leaving a deep indentation and scar.

It seemed like this scar would never heal as I waited for it to. The first year after my divorce I went to God and repented of my food addiction and lost over 100 pounds and then over the last two years I have lost over 100 more.

Still this whole time the scar from my ring hasn’t disappeared completely. It’s very faded and probably only I know it is there but I kept praying. God take away my scar so I’m not scarred forever as a woman divorced.

Then this last weekend when I heard my pastor sharing of how he was proud of his scar I really felt God whisper to me not to be ashamed of my scar. It’s a huge testimony of the healing He has done in me. He has healed me but left some of my scar for just awhile longer than I had wanted to help me remember how very far I have come.

By His stripes we are healed and I know my scar will go away completely someday or I will get another ring to cover it but I realized I need to think differently of it. I think from now on when I look down I am going to smile and remember how Gods love has healed me and not about the place I came from because that is just history. I want to dance in the freedom I know now. Dance with me and love your scars because they are just a testimony of the power of an awesome God who loves us right where we are at.

Fruit: Peace

Song in my head: History; Matthew West

Verse: Psalm 30:2 O LORD my God, I called to you for help and you healed me.

How to make a left turn

Have you ever just realized you have grown up a bit and been a little happy inside for that new sprout of life growing from you? I felt like this today.

Have you ever been driving someplace new and had to make a u turn because you were going the wrong way? For me since moving to another state I have had to make a lot of u turns.

There is one place in perticular that I go often and the first time I went there I passed by it and had to make a u turn. For some reason after that first u turn in passing this place I would go to often, I kept repeating it like the uturn was the way I got to this place.

Everytime I would be heading to this place I would think on the way that I need to remember to look for it. Yet again and again I would have to pass by it, see it and realize that yet again I had to make a u turn.

This was the definition of insanity. I was doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. So today when I didn't have to make the u turn and realized it as I was making the left turn instead I smiled.

God is good and faithful to teach me to stop the insanity and just grow. I can grow in the pot where I am planted. I only need the Son of Gods love in my pot and some rain to soak in my roots.

So every time I find that u turn coming up again I can remember now that its just Gods way of teaching me that I can find His favor in my life if I only reach out to stop, listen and love the pot He has planted me in. When I am content with where I am in my journey I can grow and stop making so many u turns. Focus and make the left turns.

Fruit: JoY
Song in my head: The classical stuff Peets plays while I am writing
Verse: Someplace: This surpassing power is not from us but from God

Doing the Ipod shuffle

Sounds like the start of a bad joke...

So this sweaty, chubby, confused looking girl walks up to this superfit, gym worker, body builder guy who is hyperventilating over each tight thing walking by and says "can you please help me with my Ipod?".

The gym guy probably thought it was a line and so he must have had some mercy for me when he smiled and said "I can help." I am of course the only one on the planet who has never owned an Ipod before or so I was feeling pretty jazzed to join the ranks of the Ipod savvy.

However when I tried to figure out how to use it I was a bit lost because it was working but then my music started coming out the speakers and my earphones at the same time.

I to humbly go where the unfashionable girls don't typically go and walked up to the counter to ask someone. He took my Ipod and fiddled and played around with it a bit and really I don't know what he did but it started coming in my ears and not out the speakers so I was in business. I still will have ask someone from the Apple store that one.

So after I got it coming in my ears I turned it to shuffle and hit play. It seemed like every song out of my new 31 was exactly what I needed to hear in my work out today. I wondered if God doesn't have control of my Ipods shuffle. He has everything else in His hands so why not my little Ipod.

Music gives me life and inspires me to go for it when I'm scared to dream. I had to ask the question. What is my dream and does God have control of it. Is He in charge of my shuffle? I decided that I have to fill my Ipod with the things that can give Him room to shuffle me in the right direction. I am listening to hear His song.

Fruit: JoY
Song in my head: Only Grace - Matthew West
Verse: ^{Proverbs 4: 7} Wisdom is supreme; therefore get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding. ⁸ Esteem her, and she will exalt you; embrace her, and she will honor you.⁹ She will set a garland of grace on your head and present you with a crown of splendor."

Rainbows Ahead! Look up and see it!

I was a little sad this morning. I woke up sleepy and feeling a little bit blue. Today is my birthday and it didn't feel like it. It was raining cats and dogs and I was feeling a little sad from a disappointment from yesterday. I had a hope in that and it was crushed... but still I decided I am going to pray.

Really that old 90's song is still true. You have got to pray just to make it today. So I took a run through the rain this morning and I got a little wet but sometimes I think I need to get wet. I need to feel the rain to know how very dependent I am on a loving God to see me through.

If it never rained I would never get the chance to see that rainbow. I know it's going to be there. I just have to remember and wait for it. He is faithful to bring out the sun even on the darkest of days and crushing desert valley lows we walk through.

His power is made perfect in my weakness. He is all I need even when I think what I want is what I need. He knows my hearts desire and will lead me to it.

Fruit: Peace
Song in my head: All I need
Verse: ^{Genesis 9:16} Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth."