Chance Encounters with Courageous People

This thanksgiving I decided to take a bit of drive into the city. I had some afternoon Thanksgiving plans but I just needed a bit of a drive. I was thinking about some of my own challenges and wondering what path I would take on them.

That's when I decided to look for a coffee shop that was open. I started driving to one of my favorites and passed by seeing it was dark wondering if I would find an open one. I drove by another and it was closed too. Just as I had rounded the block to head home I saw a sign in a window of a little hole in the wall coffee shop that said "We are open".

I smiled and couldn't believe I found a parking spot just a few doors away. I paid the meter for 15 minutes even though I didn't know if it was charging for holiday's thinking I would be in and out. I walked up to the door with the confidence of a woman on a mission for some hot peppermint tea not thinking anything of my odd Thanksgiving day adventure.

Then I opened the door and saw a beautiful sight. It was a room filled with beautiful people of many life cultures and from all walks of life in a huge circle. There was a man sharing something that seemed serious and I felt instantly like I was an intruder in some family gathering. I thought I had seen that open sign in the window but maybe it was open for this group of people only I wondered.

Somehow I stumbled a bit past the entryway in my insecurity and found my way through this large group of people to the counter in the back of the room. I saw a man sitting on a stool and whispered "are they open?". He shook his head yes and I asked what was going on." He said "narcotics anonymous meeting". I was a bit shocked and feeling very out of place having stumbled into a world I had never encountered before but I was curious.

I wanted to know what made these people so different from me. I wanted to know how they got there and what made them get out of bed and come here on a Thanksgiving morning to give support to each other. So I decided I needed to stay, sit and listen. God was trying to teach me something about hope.

I have someone who I know who is an alcholic that I have been praying for and wondered if they would ever seek help. Seeing these people gave me a hope and a renewed sense of urgency to pray and have trust that God can do it in their life too.

As I heard these peoples stories and sharing I couldn't help but find a sense of how incredibly courageous they were. Because of their trials and the hurts they had gone through in life they had ended up in this place. The thing about it was that became apparent to me was that they were on a journey and had a savior carrying them through on it.

These people had made a choice to stop and change. They were as couragous to me as our men who go to battle on the front lines. Near the end of their meeting I followed their example and said my name and told them I had just happened upon their meeting and thanked them for letting me see some courageous people giving me hope for those I know struggling with the same types of issues and I encouraged them keep going. I believe in never regretting not saying something and I am glad I did even though I was almost shaking for fear of speaking in the meeting. I walked out thanking God for my blessings and chance encounters with couragous people.

Fruit: Love

Song in my head: Give me your Eyes- Brandon Heath

Verse:Psalm 5:11 But let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them ever sing for joy. Spread your protection over them, that those who love your name may rejoice in you.

HOPE for Type 2 II Diabetes

When I started out my journey two years ago I was a broken woman getting divorce weighing 225 pounds over my estimated body weight for a woman my size. I had an A1C at 8.0 with cholesterol of 211. I had high blood pressure and was in a serious danger zone diagnosed with Type II diabetes. My doctor was real with me and said I needed to make some serious life choices if I wanted to continue to live.

The doctors sharing my need for change was a whole new world for me of medication and numbers telling me how I needed to change. It was a world of keeping track of my food, painful checking of my blood sugars, and caring about myself while dealing with emotional trama. There is always a bit of hurt when your making a drastic change in lifestyle. I knew that there was a hope that the doctor hadn’t shared about that day that would get me through.

He prescribed all kinds of medications to heal me enough that I could live but I knew there was something more that was actually going to get me to live and thrive. I knew there was that drive that would take me on this journey to health. I knew that drivers name and that is what got me where I am today.

Truly I had to do my own thing to get better because I can be a headstrong woman who doesn’t like to do things the way people tell her to. I like to do things differently in my own unique way. It can frustrate people in my life that I sometimes look for a different way and try to approach things differently. In this case I had no choice to but to dig deeper and find out why I had gotten to this point so I could move forward and live.

I had to take a honest look at all the things that had brought me to that point so I could find out where I had gone wrong so I could choose to change it and turn it around. I looked at the healing journey I had taken for five years during my marriage of healing from sexual abuse that happened when I was a child. I looked at the marriage journey that had just ended with me feeling like I had failed myself and God. I looked at my struggles with learning disabilities, self esteem and relationships. When I looked at all these trials in my life I found that the way I had gotten through them all was through my addiction to food.

Food was a safe comfort when I was a hurting little girl lost without knowing what to do in the dark with a secret of the abuse. Food kept me chubby providing a layer of protection from men and boys who I thought wouldn’t want me physically if I kept eating. It didn’t always work having that layer of protection but most of the time it did.

It didn’t work when I got married and now divorced. So in the end I had to make a choice to get focused and pursue my health like my life depended upon it because it now did. I needed to shed my layer of protection if I was ever going to be truely free.

There wasn’t any question of how or when or if I started. I just had to start Now and never give up until I had finished this race and won the prize of a life of peace that I desperately wanted. I was not sure how to start so I just started.

I had to start making healthy choice, after healthy choice, after healthy choice. After having not worked for 6 years outside of the home God planted the first blessing in my garden. I got a full time job within 2 weeks of making a final determination that we were getting a divorce in 2006. I knew I didn’t have a college degree or work history and was severely overweight so for me to find a job that fit me so uniquely well was amazing and beyond what I could have asked for. It was a job where I could sit or stand for 10 hour days 4 days a week. It was the most physically I had done for work in many years but it was a start.

The next step I took to be healthy was to start tackling the huge amount of paperwork and financial aspect of divorce proceedings. I got everything done for my divorce and filed in January of 2007 and had it completed by April 2007. During this time I found that I could work off my emotional impact through my new disciplines of working out physically.

It was a healthy way to work out my pain. The emotional impact was there but because I had this inner drive that kept me passionately burning the midnight oil literally and figuratively to become a healthy person that I had actually never been I had some peace in the midst of my storm. I will share what that drive was that kept me going in a bit.

Physically how I did it was through new disciplines that I never had before. For me food had to become something that was for me to be eating to live and not living to eat. I stopped eating because I needed emotional comfort and started depending on the drive I had inside for strength to choose to live. This was not easy and it does not mean I am perfect in this area but that drive that I will share about later is what made me see I didn’t have to be perfect in order to be successful.

Literally I stopped eating what was normal to me. I started eating bars for diabetics that my doctor recommended that gave me all the nutrition I needed for the day. Basically I ate 2 of these bars a day, vitamins, water, 100 calorie snack packets and very little else. I exercised every night for an hour of cardio on a treadmill that I had bought that could handle my weight.

I lived at night working the afternoon to 10 or 11pm shift so that I combated my night cravings and lonelyness. I lost the first 100 pounds in without realizing it was gone which was actually good for me.

Not everything in this journey was roses and most of the time there were so many scars on my fingers from the thorns of this journey I wondered if I was getting well. But finally 9 months after I went to the doctor and they said. "We can lower your dosages your doing better".
I found a glimpse of hope and knew my lifestyle changes were working.

That is when I crashed into the wall. I got really excited and made some choices that were not healthy. I got excited and impatient. I started to want my job that was halfway there done right away. I had caught a glimpse of a free life and wanted it. I started extreme dieting basically not eating and exercising off the charts. I had gotten excited and took it to the extreme. My body started shutting down and I had a major meltdown. I had to quit my job and then lost hope.

In the summer of 2007 I crashed and burned mentally and physically ending up with a mental illness as well as being type 2 diabetic. This is when I had to find the drive again that I had lost somewhere along the way that was truly my source of strength. It was when I had started to depend on myself to do everything and give myself all the credit for what good was going on in my life that I crashed.

I had to go back and look to what had been by my side my whole life through every trial I had faced. It was in those weakest of moments living to eat, lost hurting from sexual abuse, desperate to be loved from a cheating spouse, and crying for God to just take me to heaven that God was with me. He was carrying me through and even though I was not depending upon Him. He still loved me and was always just waiting for me to see His face.

He was looking down on me smiling seeing the beauty of who I was even as a abused scared woman who had so many challenges in life. He saw my value that I could not see within myself and loved me in my place of needing a rescue from a loving Savior who would never leave me. His passion for me and belief in me was my drive that gave me the passion to keep on even in those darkest of moments when I felt like I had failed myself and God.

So I learned to pursue God with the same passion and found that in my relationship with Him was my greatest treasure. It has taken me to the place I am at today and will continue to take me to my goals. I got back on my feet again by the grace of God. I found my peace that I wanted so much before to be a healthy person. I have friends, a great fun job, wonderful church family, ministry in serving, and a relationship with God who will never leave me.

So I made the choice to do it the right way. I choose to have the driver of me be the God who makes all my paths light. Today I just got back from the doctor’s office and found out that I now have a 5.2 A1C, normal blood pressure, 177 cholesterol and lost 167 pounds. God is good and it is only by His grace that I found the strength with God in the driver seat of His spirit to get me here to this point in my journey to health.

I am not a type 2 diabetic anymore and you can be too. This is my story of Hope of how the power of God in my life brought me to this place of a journey to health I am still on today. His power can change your life. Cry out to Him and let Him love you too. Then love Him with all of your heart, soul, mind and strength and you can find that peace of health too. God loves you and is patiently waiting to hear from you.

Fruit: JOY
Song in my head: Savior Please – Josh Wilson
Verse: “Give thanks to the LORD, call on his name; make known among the nations what he has done.”- 1 Chronicles 16:8

The bank of values

Questions Questions... rolling around in my head today. I was wondering... What is the difference between a mentor and a friend? I was thinking about the cost of discipleship, mentorship and friendship finanically and time wise. I was wondering what does my life show I value in my banks investments?

What you value shines through in the amount of investment your willing to take on in it. What are you willing to give up? What are you willing to give? The time your willing to use and the cost of these things is a part of showing who you are and what you value.

There is no total money makeover for the cost of relationships. The cost of your time and financial just can not be cut to invest in the people in your lives. They are to important. The money and time your willing to spend comes from a bank of what you believe and value.

A good friend sent me an email with 37 odd questions to answer about myself and then forword it on to a few more friends. I really saw it as another one of those many silly emails I recieve forwarded on to people. I took the time though to stop and write in the answers to this fun email and forwarded on to a few others.

I had no idea the response I would get would show me something about people I never knew. It's funny how when you have established trust with someone and ask them what is really going on in their lives how they will tell you.

That's when you have the chance to invest from that bank of what you value and make the effort to be Jesus hands and feet. You get the chance to "live like your the only impression of Jesus they will ever see."

Fruit: Love

Song in my head: Brown eyed girl - Van Morrison

Verse: 1John 4:16 And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. 17In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment, because in this world we are like him.

The treasure I seek

It's incredible how wise you can be when you start to actually follow your own advice. Getting focused creates such a clear vision for the future that sometimes it can become so bright that it's almost blinding to the things you need to accomplish. Taking it one step in front of the other not looking to far ahead seems to work best for that sun in your face.

I decided not to wander off to find a new trail to blaze off the beaten path like I love to do. God knows it's my adventuresome spirit that is always wanting to doddle off on that little unknown path. I am forever wanting to be exploring that little peak of light inbetween two trees where it looks like someone could have hiked and explored before me. Then I would walk it out to see if I could find a treasure at the end.

I love to dig in by nature and find hidden treasures in everything. I love a good mystery that you find out the secret at the end. Although it really can't take too long to find out the secret or I might give up after awhile.

Most of all I love people like that. I love to befriend someone and find their hidden treasure. I am convinced there is something for me to find in every person I meet. Everyone has that gem God gives to them that makes them a treasure.

There is something unique and special that takes them beyond a place of a complacent soul just trudging through life. There is a life inside them with a gift to give in a special place somewhere deep inside. Some people know it and use it and others give it away and others don't believe they have it.

I want to find it in people who don't know they have it and give them a glimpse of the glory of the gem inside. It's not really a secret. Sometimes you have to dig to find it when the package it comes in makes it hard to see. Lord be my vision to see.

Fruit: Patience

Song in my head: You Are My All in All - Point of Grace

Verse: Proverbs 18:15 The heart of the discerning acquires knowledge; the ears of the wise seek it out

Lessons from Oprahs shoes and a friends Jacket

Taking a deep breath as I opened my eyes this morning I was feeling all those little disappointments and stuggles I had from the day before. I tell myself that phrase my brother taught me as a girl when getting hurt while wanting to play with the boys "just grin and bear it". Sometimes I just try to stay tough believing I can make it on my own but really I know what I really need.

I thought of a song by Hillsong and took to heart the words "take me as you find me, all my fears and failures, fill my life again, I give my life to follow, everything I believe in, I surrender, I surrender" and another song by Josh Wilson "Savior, Please".

It was a tough day for my confidence yesterday in so many ways. I wasn't looking through Gods eyes and I let self doubt creep into the truth of who I am in Him. I was looking through my own glasses seeing all those imperfections and challenges I faced letting them get me down.

So this morning I decided I needed my savior and a hero. Awhile ago I watched an Oprah Winfrey show that touched me. It had a woman in it who had gone through many struggles and had overcome so many things.

The woman purchased Oprah's shoes from a charity auction for inspiration. She had bought the shoes even though they were 3 sizes to big for her and she really couldn't afford them. Afterwords she would stand in them whenever she was feeling defeated or needing confidence and feel confident again knowing she could accomplish great things like her hero.

This morning this story came to mind as I took out of my closet the jacket of a woman I admire and I put it on along with a spritz of my "China" Safari. The jacket was given to me by a strong unique woman of God who blessed me with it. I had admired it on her when she wore it and told her I liked how unique it was a long time ago. Last week she told me she wanted to give me a jacket of hers and then yesterday I was so excited to find out it was this one same unique jacket.

Some might say it's a bit of a busy jacket with it's intricate carpet bag pattern and bold unique design but I just love it. I got 3 compliments on it today. It shouts to me when I put it on that I'm a beautiful, confident, unique woman with a creative artsy flair.

I looked in the mirror and smiled this morning thinking "it works". Suddenly when wearing the jacket I found a sense of confidence that my friend portrays. I felt like I was in Oprahs shoes.

I admire my friend not only because she is a confident strong woman who loves God but also because of her heart for people too. It is the everday little things in watching her model to me her Godly character that makes her my pastor, mentor and friend.

I caught another glimpse of her heart last night when she bought some shoes for someone who needed them. A simple act of mercy and love that showed me exactly what Jesus would have done. I treasure friends who just shine who Jesus is in who they are.

So I wore her jacket today praying I can be confident and have those eyes to see the needs of others when wearing it. I want to be a gentle voice of hope to those customers who call in on the verge of tears hurting.

I decided to write down the names of the customers stories that touch me and pray specifically for them. I prayed for them to get a touch from that loving Savior behind the jacket.

Fruit: Love

Song in my head: Mighty to save - Hillsong

Verse: 2 Corinthians 3: 2You yourselves are our letter, written on our hearts, known and read by everybody. 3You show that you are a letter from Christ, the result of our ministry, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts. 4Such confidence as this is ours through Christ before God. 5Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God. 6He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant—not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life

Are you a good melon?

Fruit is a funny thing. It's odd when you think about it. It's a food that's colorful and shaped in all kinds of odd combinations of colors and tastes. Sometimes it's so sweet and juicy that it's messy. Sometimes it's not quite ripe and its bitter.

Fruit can be messy when you consider it in people's lives too. The fruit of a soul in a person inside is evident in who they are growing and changing to be on the outside when you can see it in their lives. We are all living on a vine of sorts.

How do you tell if you have a good melon or not? I was reading online today and found it interesting how you tell if you have a good melon. The article said "There should be no stem present, because melons drop naturally from the vine when they ripen".

I wondered how ripe our presidental candidates where and considered their fruit as I was praying today for the election. A pastor up in Tacoma Washington said something Saturday night that made me think.

"I don't judge Obama's motives because that is for God to judge. I judge him by the fruit of who he is. I can't judge his motives because Gods word tells me that only God can do that."

It is really true of every situation and makes it more clear in every situation the standard to which you can judge people by. It takes out that grey area that says "what are they really meaning by what they are doing?". You just take that out of the equasion and take into effect the full truth of the fruit that grows from their lives.

I tried a new area of ministry the other day on Halloween at my churches harvest festival. I tried a ministry that is typically is a male dominated one. I was one of three women in a ministry team that had probably 20 men serving that night.

Serving as a woman on the parking ministry wasn't my first choice and I was feeling a bit out in the pasture to not be dealing directly with people which would be my first preference.
I really learned a lesson there in that dark chilly night though. I learned something about how God can use me anywhere people who need Him are.

I was working the Blue lot on the off site parking from our church. It's a block or so from our church and so we had shuttles running every 5 minutes or so to the church from it.
A car drove up to me with my orange vest and glow wand and asked "what's going on here?". They had no idea that it was church sponsored event. I told him it was a free event with a live animal show, candy, games and lots of fun. He said "are you sure it's free?".

I said "yes, it's a gift from Church of Living water". He said "I don't know if a church would let me in". I assured him that we would and he smiled, parked and I showed him where he could take the shuttle in.

I didn't see him return to hear of how his time went but meeting him showed me that God can really use us anywhere. It made me really think about the fruit of my attitude in serving in areas out of my perference. It made me realize I need to keep on my toes.

It challenges me to consider what fruit is growing from my life. It makes me want to be a good melon not clipping off the vine before I am ripe in an area of my life. I want to be a good melon. I like word pictures so I was thinking this is a good one.

A good melon needs lots of Son, water, and nutrients. The soil we grow in is where we get it. The foundation of soil in the word of God has all the nutrients we need and the water is the spirit of God quenching our thirst to grow. The Son is Jesus who shines on us to make us grow in the field.

Standing out in the field in the dark you can get to thinking. Okay I know this is pretty simple and been said before but it encourages me to think about so I hope it encourages you.
Praying today that our President would be a good melon and that our election process is a good one.

Fruit: Love

Song in my head: Give me your eyes - Brandon Heath

Verse: Isaiah 32: 16 Justice will dwell in the desert and righteousness live in the fertile field. 17 These: fruit of righteousness will be peace; the effect of righteousness will be quietness and confidence forever. 18 My people will live in peaceful dwelling places, in secure homes, in undisturbed places of rest. 19 Though hail flattens the forest and the city is leveled completely, 20 how blessed you will be, sowing your seed by every stream, and letting your cattle and donkeys range free.