Looking for something...

Do you ever feel like you need to go to work to find rest from the weekend? I felt like that Sunday night. I had a full weekend where I felt drained from it. Even praying I thought "are they even my words...?"

What happened?... I had to ask myself as I realized I was feeling down at work this Monday morning. Waking up this morning I had full intention to look ahead with my opening prayer for it to be a day I reasoned better in comparison to the weekend.

I had wondered how my decisions from this weekend could have kept me from a blessing. I had tried to let that go knowing a compassionate God could forgive my indecison that led to my choices.

I could name some seemingly silly endless list of things that had gone wrong over the weekend to the sheer embarrassment of my weakness I wouldn't share not wanting to be seen as a complainer which makes me almost never complain.

However... there were several little inconviences and stupid decisions that I made over the weekend that had me feeling like I wished God had made me different. It is hard to be flawed and human.

Sometimes I just wish I could be an angel. I had opened up with a prayer for the day today like I usually do but it just went downhill from there. I had tried to turn it around.

I had gotten a full nights sleep for the first time this weekend. I had fully prepared with a shower Sunday night. I had put my clothes out ready to jump into the morning groove. I thought I had done everything in my power that I could to make my day start out to be one where I was ready to start off the week on a positive note.

What had I forgotten? Where had I gone wrong? My weekend rebellion from what I could have done to accomplish things as to what I wanted to do as to what I should have done as to what I actually did made me see I need to start trusting my instincts more.

I realized that it is my true instincts that I need to trust and not let those ones that try to creep in creep. My true instincts come from the spirit of God inside me. That other instinct of a sinful nature only creeps in to try and steal or destroy my peace when I let it.

I have to listen to that still small little voice amidst the crowd telling me what is right for me to do. I just need to just DO THE NEXT RIGHT THING and not worry so much about the future and I need to LISTEN to the voice of reason.

I found that next right thing I was searching for once I started looking in the right place. I found my peace when I studied Ephesians reading Pauls prayer like it was a prayer for me.

A Prayer for the Ephesians Eph 3:14For this reason I kneel before the Father, 15from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. 16I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. 20Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen

It's Gods love that takes me back and turns my weakness into strength, my mourning into dancing and my attitude around. It is only when I choose to do the next right thing in His direction that I find fulfullment and joy.

So in those times when I am reaching for something feeling empty needing something but just can't figure out what will bring me peace I have to remember that a gentle love from God is there for me.

I just need to look for it instead of what the world would tell me to. I need to look in that great book God gave us to give us those answers and peace we are searching everywhere in the world for but can find if we simply seek Him first.

Fruit: Gentleness

Song in my head: As the Deer

Verse: Ephesians 3:18may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.