Cancer Sucks

My eyes still closed smelling the Lilacs in my room this morning I smiled as I woke up. I was tired but it gave me inspiration wake up. I love this time of year when everything is becoming greener more alive.

Today was the Relay for Life event for Tacoma. ACS organizes the relays. We had several fundraisers @Expedia where I work and we bought T-shirts that say "Cancer Sucks" for the Relay. I wore my "Cancer Sucks" t-shirt today. It's a pretty frank statement but it seems to be popular. I googled it just to see what would come up and found this site for teens who are affected by cancer. Click here to see it.

There have been so many people in my life affected by Cancer. The first person I remember to get cancer that I knew was my cousin Stacy who got Leukemia as a little girl. I remember I was a few years older than her and didn't understand at the time what cancer was. The only thing I knew was that it scared the adults in my life and so it scared me. My grandmother who I was very close to growing up passed away from Colon Cancer a few years later. She was the first person to die that I loved and at 11 years old I really didn’t understand why.

At her funeral sitting in the pew I didn't hear a word of the message. I listened to the children playing outside the chapel in the school next to it. I felt lost without her and started to hate the word cancer and God for awhile. I didn't understand why a loving God would let someone who loved so much, gave so much and had so much left to give die.

There were others in my life that got cancer but none that made as huge of an impact as my Grandmother's until my first pastor after I became a Christian Dan Vasquez got cancer and passed away. I will never forget that last Easter sermon where he shared his love letters from the church while he was fighting cancer. 24 hours of prayer chains and it didn't work. We were trusting on a miracle that did not happen. I asked God again the question "why would a loving God let someone who loved so much, gave so much and had so much left to give die?"

I don't know the answer to that question. I could guess and I could try to come up with reasons but ultimate lately it's all selfish. They are in heaven with an awesome God so who am I to want them still on earth. It's just that we miss them. The treasure is in the promise and security of knowing that we will see them again. We will give them a huge hug and say "thank you".

There have been many others who have been touched by cancer that I have known and it's amazing to see God heal some of them. I just have to trust that God knows what He is doing when I don't understand. He loves us even in those times where we doubt Him and question. We will never know why God allows cancer to take those people who we love and could see a future for here on earth to do good. We just have to trust that He can see the whole picture of the puzzle while we only see the few pieces before us that seem to fit.


Fruit: Love
Song in my Head: More - Matthew West
Verse: Psalm 36: 7 How priceless is your unfailing love! Both high and low among men find refuge in the shadow of your wings. 8 They feast on the abundance of your house; you give them drink from your river of delights. 9 For with you is the fountain of life; in your light we see light

Que Sera Sera

As I consider getting a different car to help with the gas mileage I had to think back to all the cars I have had in my life. It's silly but I have always named my cars. I know there are some I can't remember. It all started with "I think I can" my old 1984 Ford escort I got when I was 16. I babysat for a year to earn the money for her. "I think I can" was named after the little engine that could book. It lived up to its name. "Red hot" my little hatchback Honda civic was next, then "Sally" my red mustang, "smelly" a very old scary boat of a car, "Catty" a brand new Cadillac I got to drive for a few months, "Jetty or midnight"?? 1992 black VW Jetta, "Cherrie" old Jeep Cherokee, "Sadie" the Saturn, "Cappuccino" 1999 Ford Escort, "Silvie" 2006 new Saturn, "Jeeperz" 2005 Jeep Liberty 4x4 fun, and now "Sweet Angel" my Nissan Sentra.

Gas prices as they are I wasn't surprised to hear that the throwback Geo Metros getting 40 miles to the gallon and becoming popular again. I did the math and I found that I would save about 70 dollars a month in gas with the metro. Although for it to be worth trading the metro for my car it would have to be an even trade or less for the metro. With the demand for Metros going far beyond their blue book value it could be hard to find one. http://www.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/wayoflife/05/20/geo.metro/index.html

"Que sera sera... Whatever will be will be.."

Yesterday I brought my special "chocolate chip crunch" cookies fresh from the oven to Kelly's BBQ. When she said we were playing croquet I thought of the theme song to the 1989 movie Heather's. Heather's where I first heard Que sera sera. It was a pretty rough and tumble movie with an evil plot and the game croquet was an essential for the girls in the movie. We had fun playing croquet and Holly even managed to shoot hers up onto the chair running away from pax.

I was reminded of the rules of croquet and how the "poison" person came into play. Paxton became poison and pretty much kicked the rest of us out of the game. Lisa had became poison too near the end but Paxton got her too. It's kind of like how sin enters our lives and poisons us. It gets before us and comes back into the game. In the game poison just has to touch your ball and you’re out. I am thankful we have a God who saves us from that poison or we would all be truly "out" of the game.

The gal from the Bolt Diabetes Center called me today to ask how I was doing. She had asked me if I would come and speak at the center to share how I accomplished all I have. I am not totally there yet but I thought, "I wonder if she will let me share how the power of God in my life allowed me to accomplish losing 140 and achieving a perfect figure skating score for my A1C?" I have always been a big Tara Lipinski fan and for fun it had been my goal to get a perfect score in A1C or better. I was thinking she might screen what I share but I could definitely put it in there.

Fruit: Love
Song in my Head: God of this city & Que Sera Sera
Verse: Exodus 15:1 Then Moses and the Israelites sang this song to the LORD : "I will sing to the LORD, for he is highly exalted. The horse and its rider he has hurled into the sea. 2 The LORD is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation. He is my God, and I will praise him, my father's God, and I will exalt him. 3 The LORD is a warrior; the LORD is his name. 13 "In your unfailing love you will lead the people you have redeemed. In your strength you will guide them to your holy dwelling. 17 You will bring them in and plant them on the mountain of your inheritance— the place, O LORD, you made for your dwelling, the sanctuary, O Lord, your hands established. 18 The LORD will reign for ever and ever.

Random Weekend Thoughts..

It's been a great weekend. Friday night I had a "quiet" night. I tend to go and go most weekends with so much planned I forget to rest. Sometimes you just need a restful quiet cozy night in with a movie or great book and some yummy Thai chicken curry.

Saturday I spent the day with my friend having some girlfriend time. She has an adorable little sweet Pekinese mix dog named Bozzy Bean. I love to walk him, and he is so much fun and adorable. He ran around while we got on our bathing suits and washed our cars at my house. Then we laid out in the sun and went in the spa. It was a great day.

Today I went to church and heard from Pastor Jon. His sermons feel like a chat to me and less formal which is really refreshing sometimes. It reminded me of the conference last weekend with the gals. It was all about dealing with conflict in a healthy way and reminded me of the "cycle of interruption". (see previous blog)

After church I went to see Indiana Jones. It has been so hyped up at work with our promo's that I was really excited to see it. I loved the originals. I have to say that in the theatre I looked to my friend on the right and said "aliens" and looked to my friend on the left and said "aliens in Indiana Jones". What were they thinking? I loved the ones from the 80's so was a bit surprised to see the Indiana I knew and loved with aliens in it. It was a little weird combination of Indiana adventure and sci-fi. Harrison made up for it though with his (sigh) smile.

Living a bit out in the country you never know what you might find sometimes. We had some chicken visitors today when I got home. They were cute and finding some great critters in our grass to peck at.

Tomorrow I have to work unfortunately but I do get to go to two barbeques in the afternoon. God’s love is so sweet when I can see it in a beautiful day. I am praying beyond predictions that the weather will be nice tomorrow. Memorial day is awesome day to remember the soldiers. My mom has always taught me to say “thank you for serving” to soldiers no matter where they served. I’m thankful for His blessings.

Fruit: Love

Song in my Head: Free to run

Verse: Matthew 22:37 My song version “I am going to love the Lord my God with all my Heart, Soul, Mind and Strength”.

Turning it around

Have you ever had a yuk day where everything just went wrong? I had one of those days today. Perserverence to go above and beyond for a customer today truely tried my patience. It was two and half hours into the phone call with the customer. I had called the airlines twice, called my CSA desk, and called Sabre desk, and was getting no resolution. It was a complicated issue of multiple airlines, validating carrier's pushing back, a major schedule changes causing rerouting and confusing notes in the PNR. I was still on the line with Sabre and she had just said "I can't fix this problem".

The sabre gal noted how long I had been working for the customer and said "you could just refer her to the airline as it is their issue". She was saying I could get rid of the problem for myself by passing off the customer. I thought, "no I am her agent" and I just couldn't do that to my customer.

My well dry, I finally said a prayer "God help me out here". After 3 hours I was done. I really wanted to help this customer but I was out of ideas and kept getting the run around. Just after I prayed it finally got resolved. It wasn't in the way I thought it would be but it happend. It made me think.

"When will I learn to trust that God answers my prayers?"

I just have to ask and He will turn it around. I needed my favorite "Paul" today after work. Paul is such a poet. I love his words about perserverance.

Fruit: Patience
Song in my head: History - Matthew West
Verse: 2 Corinthians 6:3-9 4Rather, as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: in great endurance; in troubles, hardships and distresses; 5in beatings, imprisonments and riots; in hard work, sleepless nights and hunger; 6in purity, understanding, patience and kindness; in the Holy Spirit and in sincere love; 7in truthful speech and in the power of God; with weapons of righteousness in the right hand and in the left; 8through glory and dishonor, bad report and good report; genuine, yet regarded as impostors; 9known, yet regarded as unknown; dying, and yet we live on; beaten, and yet not killed;

Tragic cookie news...

I got an email while at work today titled “sad tragic news”. I was thinking... oh no, which airlines went out of business this time.. was there another tragic earthquake… another volcano in Equador..
What world disaster could await at the opening of this email?

14 Tons of spilled Oreo cookies snarl traffic
It was a cookie crisis! I laughed out loud when I opened it and saw the headline. A Oreo cookie driver fell asleep a the wheel and spilled the cookies! Here is the story http://www.komoradio.com/news/offbeat/19069879.html
With all the tragic news in the news today it was good to have a laugh. Everything in the news @expedia effects travel. We are always first to find out about major world events. The politics causing riots in Africa, volcano in Equador erupting, earthquake 7.8 in China, and now cookies in crisis. We have to laugh or else we would cry at the reality of our world today.

Oreos are my second favorite cookie. My favorites are my recipe of “Chocolate Chip Crunch Cookies” that I love to bake. I will have to bake some to surprise my small group sometime soon.

Fruit: Love
Song in my head: Something to say – Matthew West
Verse: Psalm 16:8-9 I have set the Lord always before me, Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body will also rest secure.

Dragons Vs Reality

Breathing in that beautiful warm salty air this weekend I thought "it's just a little bit of heaven out by the ocean side". I was at Evergreen District womens conference this weekend at Ocean Shores. The 8 of us gals stayed with in a duplex condo we lovingly nicknamed the "shack". It was quite ugly on the outside but so warm and friendly on the inside it made up for it's outward appearence. (my fav kind of thing) It was awesome to room with my "Kelly's" small group gals. It was the best combination of awesome weather, the ocean, great friends, spiritual breakthoughs, awesome word, laughter. tears and sweet worship.

We had some awesome lessons from our speaker. My favorites were; The relationships cycle of interuption and one liners.

First the "event" happens. This tends to be a wee bit of a disagreement between you and your mate or friend. Without really thinking about it we immediately begin to ask the question "are you really a safe haven" in my life. The alarm sounds "danger danger" and our "dragons" make an appearence. Our "amydala" goes haywire making our emotions submit to our reactions where we conclude we are justified in our reactions. The impact on us is that we become reacters to other peoples dragon's and thus submitting to our own.

Our dragons are those insecurites and things that impact how we react to situations because of the impact of our early relationships. Her life example: feeling like she needed constant reassurance of love from her husband due to feeling anxious and abandoned at many times in her life. (I could so relate) Her husband's dragon just fed into her as his was telling him to fight and then flee. The key to this concept is to know your dragons so you can recognize them in your life when they come up. Then you can comfort them taking away their power, taking you back to your safe haven place. (like the coffehouse :)

My favorite thoughts and one liners from this weekend: Life is messy.. clean it up. I don't want a dragon slayer for a husband but dragon comforter. We tend to marry our dragons. Ask the question.. where have I felt this way before? Get up there is still life to live! Corrective emotional experiences. Rest, Cling, Run to the shelter of the most High. Recognize when it's dragon vs reality. Choose to be a safehaven of hope to people in your life. We are each others safe haven. Notice people and stand with them. Free to love. A whole lot of what we have conflict with others about is our personality style.

Another awesome thing that happened this weekend was when a friend of mine who wasn't staying with us came up to me to tell me how God answered a prayer I had prayed for her. A few months ago this friend of mine started making some choices in a relationship she was having. I could see the big picture of her life and how her relationship that didn't have the basis of a solid friendship and God as center of it could hurt her. I knew she wasn't really ready so soon after her divorce.

Her heart was too fragile and desperate for a touch from a man who appeared to be opposite from the hurt of her ex. I knew she really wasn't in place to hear that her relationship had compromised her. I let her know a bit of how I felt but mostly I prayed. I knew how she felt because I was in her shoes too a year ago. She needed the hope of it and was so excited after being so down for so long. She wanted a hope and she wanted to believe in love again. She wasn't willing to go alone. It was too scary to face the world without "someone" to journey with. Her looking didn't start out with the wrong heart or motives. She started searching for a man who had her values and believed.

Little by little though in her search she made small compromises. She was not really searching out of the overflow of her love for God first but out of her broken place. He came like a snake with the appearence of fulfilling every womans most feminine needs for safety and love. He had money and showered her with gifts and he knew just what every woman wants to hear. "Your a special, unique, and beautiful woman like no other".

She told me that "even though I loved his words, I knew inside that they were empty." She knew in her heart that they were empty because he didn't really know the love of God first. She knew because of the compromises in his life that he didn't have the fruit of being the man he claimed to be.

That is when God broke through to her to reveal the truth about him. God showed her in a clear way exactly who he really was through revealing a lie. She had an awesome revelation that hurt her deeply but seeing his true colors showed her what she really wanted and deserved was a Godly Man. She said now she is willing to wait for him because she has the security that God gave her a vision this weekend for a man who loves Him.

It's tough to hear someone tell you to wait for it when you can't see past your situation into your own life. Sometimes there nothing you can tell someone before they make a choice you know will hurt them and they make it anyway. Sometimes we just have to learn our lessons the hard way when we don't listen. We really have to pray and listen with our eyes wide open to hear what God has to say.

"Sometimes people have to crash and burn to get an eternal perspective again."

This is why God gives us people and good friends in our lives who can have a unique perspective to share those things we don't want to see. When your on the outside looking in you can see the picture of the world someone creates for themselves they can't see. It's really hard to tell a friend what you see happening in their life. Truely though you wouldn't be doing your part in the friendship if you didn't. This is why we need friends and accountablity in our lives. They are the shout out for reality in our lives and they love us despite our dragons.

Fruit: Love
Song in my head: All I need - Bethany Dillon
Verse: 2 Corinthians 10 5We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ

China dolls

My heart ached as I read this news story on CNN today. The loss of life is so great there now and I was really touched by this story on the children lost to parents with the one child rule. It's really only a rule for the poor. http://www.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/asiapcf/05/15/china.one.child/index.html

"In the China of my mind, I can see through hearts walls, her rag doll her pillow, only a dress to wipe her tears away, Broken lost in the woods, a world thats blurry and gray, Someday I pray, I will go back." 9/94

Several years ago I went on a mission trip to Beijing China and served at a international church there the summer. When I went to China several years ago and It opened up my eyes to see the world outside of my little Chino California safety. I had seen poverty in Mexico several times on the many mission trips taken there but China was a whole new world. It was a culture I had never experienced. The church I served at was a international fellowship that exposed me to so many cultures all at once. They were mostly african French children we served.

The teens were awesome and I fell in love with the people. I loved working with my little ones singing Jesus loves me in French and growing a new heart for Jr. Highers and High Schoolers there. It opened up my world to the real life of the missionaries I met there. I don't know where they all are now several years later but I pray they are okay now.

Connections of God... I remember the saying one missionary there told us "The emperor is over the mountain". It's refering to the leadership in one community allowing Christianity as opposed to one not far away, just over the mountain persecuting Christians for it.

There is a comfort in knowing that even though in this life we may only know a Christian we loved for a short season of time. We have the security of knowing we will see them again one day and find out all God did through them in heaven.

One of my favorite worship old school songs in my head today.. As the Deer.. I realized I had forgotten all the words... as I usually do ... so I googled it... as I usually do... :)

As the deer panteth for the water,So my soul longs after you.
You alone are my hearts desire,And I long to worship You.
You alone are my strength, my shield;
To You alone may my spirit yield.
You alone are my hearts desire,and I long to worship You.
I want you more than gold or silver,Only You can satisfy.
You alone are the real joy giver And the apple of my eye.
You alone are my strength, my shield;
To You alone may my spirit yield.
You alone are my hearts desire,and I long to worship You.
You're my friend and You're my brother,
Even though you are a King.
I love You more than any other
So much more than anything.
You alone are my strength, my shield;
To You alone may my spirit yield.
You alone are my hearts desire,and I long to worship You.

It's from Psalm 42: 1 As the hart panteth after the water brooks, so panteth my soul after thee, O God.

Fruit of the day: Patience
Song in my head: As the Deer
Verses: Romans 1: 25 They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised. Amen. Romans 1-2
PER don't do that!!

Downtown @Expedia.com

Some days I get tired after doing to much, staying up to late and really am not excited about going to work. It's then that I have to break out my old tried and true song to get me going to work. So I pulled out of my closet my work theme song and hummed it a bit today.

My theme song for work started in the first week or so of training for Expedia.com. I was taking the bus up from Olympia Washington on a snowy, windy, bitterly cold January day and it hit me as I tumbled off the bus in my hiking boots. This is what I prayed for.
A few years before I had journaled how "wouldn't it would be cool to work for a some hip company in Seattle for a season of my life... in some old brick building downtown in the city".

As I scrambled off the bus that day in Tacoma praying for a break in the weather to walk my from the bus stop to work I started singing Downtown. During those difficult weeks where I was sure I would never make it I would sing Downtown and get energized remembering how God answers my prayers. I have to remember to be careful what I pray for... I just might get it!

I was tired today and so when tired I am not responsible for my goofyness.:) I actually started writing a silly poem/song about working for Expedia. It's for all those customers I deal with that make me laugh at some of the things they do.

I'm an Expedia girl living in a .com world.

Just tell me your @ and I book your dream.

We'll take you away from everything.

I can book you a car, flight or hotel.

A package for two too Cozumel.

You sing to me @Expedia dot comm,

You know you can't go wrong,

I love hear about your wedding plans.

Beautiful beaches and white sands,

I can save your marriage by changing your hotel,

There is no mistake I can't make well,

You'll be okay while going through security,

I'll will confirm you flights and Itinerary.

Go ahead and send the phone through the xray machine,

I'll stay on the line we are on the same team,

Never fear cause were always here,

making sure your trip is the trip of the year

I'm not done with it but its been fun coming up with it. :) I have been sung to our theme song for Expedia several times. I actually had a guy send me through the x-ray machine while at the airport today. Another customer told me I saved his marriage by changing his hotel too. There is a joy in helping people everyday.

Fruit of the Day: Joy

Song in my head: Love song for a Savior - Jars of Clay

K00l Verse: 2 Corinthians 8:2 Out of the most severe trial, their overflowing joy and their extreme

Picking Fruit

"In the wee small hours of the morning, while the whole wide world is fast asleep" Carly Simon

Waking up today I had a sweet "little" joy in a dream in those wee moments of waking. It felt so real as if it were actual and not a dream. It seemed I physically felt someone suddenly come up to me very close and hold the side of me, but I wasn't afraid. There was a comfort in it. They whispered my name and something in my ear that I couldn't quite understand but knew it meant "you are loved". It was like a little gift from God. I haven't dreamt anything in quite awhile. It made me smile.

Insomnia had kept me awake last night as I lie awake thinking instead of sleeping. My eyes closed and my mind wondering I prayed for sleep. Sleep didn't really come but rest thankfully did. I had gone to bed very early trying to head off my feeling a cold coming on.

My favorite movie soundtrack is "Sleepless in Seattle". I haven't listened to it in quite a while but the Carly Simon song into my head. I love how the soundtracks in movies music illustrates the characters feelings and motives.

I had a thought "what if we were all stars in our own movie and what would the soundtrack sound like?" The music could be illustrating how we were feeling and what we were thinking telling others a lot about us. It could be more revealing than we would like though.

In the secret places of our minds delimas we would be revealing those thoughts, passions, and realities of our existance we normally wouldn't share. Broadcasting our song might be a bit too revealing. Sometimes it might be in our favor and other times not so much.

With a smile on her face the woman struggling with a bad day might not want everyone to know it. But then again she might be encouraged if someone knew it.

You stand in the line just to hit a new low

You're faking a smile with the coffee to go

You tell me your life's been way off line

You're falling to pieces everytime

And I don't need no carryin' on
Cause you had a bad day You're taking one down

You sing a sad song just to turn it around
Daniel Powter-- Bad Day

"Battlefield of the mind" by Joyce Meyer is the book I'm reading for a Bible study I am doing right now in my womens small group. She illustrates how our mind is a battlefield to which the war can be won. It's won by scripture and choosing to think about what we think about. I have found my strongest ali to keeping my thoughts turned around to the praiseworthy is keeping that song in my head a positive one.

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—
think about such things." Philippians 3:15

What soundtrack would be playing for you today? Would it reveal more about you than you would want others to know? Pick the fruit of soundtrack that can keep you on track. Today I picked joy.

Fruit of the day: Joy

Song in my head: Downtown & Let God Arise

Verse: Esther 8:15 Mordecai left the king's presence wearing royal garments of blue and white, a large crown of gold and a purple robe of fine linen. And the city of Susa held a joyous celebration.

Friends like "Buddy"

Sweetly broken still on my lips I walked to my back porch and there was a little visitor waiting for me. He is a sweet little black and white kitty that I honestly don't know the real name of. He started coming by a couple of years ago to play with Amber before I moved here.

Amber was a sweet fiesty kitten who loved people. Her tenderness would come like a gentle rain. Purring loudly at your feet begging to be held she would demand to be held for hours and then suddenly as thunderstorm of excitement came about her she would want to play. Her excitement to be the hunter she was would be too much and then we would let her outside to roam.

Somewhere on her adventures outside in the pasture she met this black and white skittish cat. He didn't wear a collar and we didn't know where he came from. They became such good friends we started calling him "buddy". He was Ambers playmate and so we would feed him too. They played together everyday and would bring us "presents" of their catch of mice and moles.

One night several months ago though we got a call from a neighbor. Amber had taken her last adventure. She was hit by a car and we lost her. We were upset to lose her but buddy just didn't seem to understand. He would come by day after day looking for his lost playmate. It was so sad and we were to heartbroken to get another cat. After a few months or so he stopped coming by as often. Now and then he still comes by for a visit and we still feed him.

Whenever I see "buddy" I think of how awesome it is to have good friends. I have more friends now at this time in my life than I ever have in any other time. I am so thankful for the little things and the big things that make friendships so awesome.

I love knowing someone so well that we share personal inside jokes. Only my friend Cat knows what it truely means when I say "I'm willing to call triple A for that". Good friend's have our own secret private language that can keep us laughing and on our toes

Being single not having that a significant other to share your life with everyday can be tough sometimes. Having close friends really helps fill that place inside you that has a need for intimacy. Jesus takes care of the rest. '

Fruit of the day: Patience

Song in my Head: For who you are

Psalm 40:1 I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry.

Pretty in Pink

Opening my eyes to the world today at 2:30am as I usually do on my work days I found myself wide awake. Praying... I started thinking I want to be intentional about what I wear today. I am celebrating my mother and also in a way my grandmother at a tea at COLW tonight after work. Slipping on my bright pink dress that my mother loves to see me in I thought about a line from one of our favorite movies we watch together. I smiled, laughted out loud and said in my best Julia Roberts impression "Pink is my signature color".

Steel Magnolias is one of those strong women, laughter through tears kind of movies that we both love. I have always wanted to be a combination of a strong, courageous, whimsical "Shelby" in "Steel Magnolias" and a smart, creative individualist "Andie" in "Pretty in Pink". These are two of my favorite 80's movies.
My best friend and I wrote a song many, many, moons ago when we were in college called "Rose of Sharon" about being strong women of God. The chorus is "I am a Rose of Sharon, a lilly of the valley, a strong woman among the thorns" It's always been my hearts cry song since. It's from Song of Solomen about walking in the garden with God.

After my dress I put on a gold necklace my grandparents gave me when I was a little girl to remind me how special she made me feel. It's a gold oval with an M on it for Michele. It has a small diamond on it which is my birthstone.

Pulling on my nylons I thought "there is something about wearing a dress that makes you feel like a woman". It makes me love to be a girl so I can twirl. I fell one time twirling in my grandmothers garden caught up in the fun it. The Delicate smell of roses always reminds me of her. Glimpses of Gods love I saw in her as a girl drew me to Him later on when I was a teenager. She went to heaven when I was 11 from cancer.

Finding my black "active woman" low heel shoes that I love I thought of my covering. Smelling it first as I love to do. I grabbed my mothers black sweater I borrowed. The sweet smell of her perfume is a gentle reminder of comfort. It's a reminder of all the hugs she has given me. Hugs given in passing, hugs through tears, hugs through laughter, hugs for no reason at all. I treasure my mothers hugs.

Sprinting to my car in my "active woman shoes" 10 minutes later than usual I put on my Esther earings as I walk. They one of my favorites and look Egyptian reminding me of Esther my favorite woman in the Bible.

Then I was off with a prayer for my 45 minutes of praise along the way to work. I am always more thankful as I sing "dance, dance, dance, to the freedom I know that will last forever."

Fruit of the day: Patience
Song in my head: For I am convinced
Awesome Verse: 2 Corinthians 6:4-10 4 Rather, as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: in great endurance; in troubles, hardships and distresses; 5 in beatings, imprisonments and riots; in hard work, sleepless nights and hunger; 6 in purity, understanding, patience and kindness; in the Holy Spirit and in sincere love; 7 in truthful speech and in the power of God; with weapons of righteousness in the right hand and in the left; 8 through glory and dishonor, bad report and good report; genuine, yet regarded as impostors; 9 known, yet regarded as unknown; dying, and yet we live on; beaten, and yet not killed; 10 sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing everything.

Sweetly Broken

One of my favorite pastors once said about Washington. "The sun is out today but its not working." Washington is blooming but the sky will not cooperate or so it seems. It's just when you think that all hope is lost and its going to be gloomy all day that the clouds part and the beautiful blue sky comes out to say hello. It was like that with my day today. I am learning a bunch of new songs for a praise concert for a choir in it. I love this new one I learned today. It makes me want to be Sweetly Broken.

"Sweetly Broken"

"At the cross you beckon me, You draw me gently to my knees and I am lost for words,

so lost in your love, I'm sweetly broken wholly surrendered."

Earlier today I was feeling like I had failed God today in some areas of my own inconsistancy. I realized I needed to walk on and take a step past that moment of feeling I can't grasp it. I can't grasp it in my own ability.

How did I get here today? It's every little step I take away from the things that would take me toward the character of God that gets me there. I want it back so I turn to go for it and that is what makes me "wholly surrendered". It's not in the being perfect. There is a peace in knowing He loves us right where we are at. Even our weakest moments God is with us.

His eyes shine and He smiles
A tear in His eye, a sigh on His breath
He loves his child

Nothing can take His love away
It's there for all to see

In every sunrise
He lives in the heart of me



Today's Fruit: Goodness
Song in my head: Let God Arise and Sweetly Broken
Verse: Exodus 33:19 And the LORD said, "I will cause all my goodness to pass in front of you, and I will proclaim my name, the LORD, in your presence. I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion.

Mopasketball

Today was a sweet day. I had a good day a work and even found a nifty new way to do something complicated simply.

After work I went to pick up Ryan. He is a 13 year old son of one of my best friends. I pick him up some days and we hang out tell his mom gets off work. Today we stopped by COLW to pick up something and on the way he had a fun insight.

He asked me "what if Jesus came back today just for a visit, not like the whole end thing but just to like say HI to everyone... where do you think He would go." I laughted and said "you tell me".
He was sure that the USA was where Jesus would go because we were "the badest place". He thought we had the most crime and were in the worst shape so we needed a visit from Him most. I challenged him to think of other places in the world but he was certain we were the worst off and in need of a visit. Food for thought ...

Then we played a game of Mopasketball. This is a fun game that we made up on the spir of the moment. It combines basketball, baseball and a mop. Ryan won and taught me a goofy Mc Donald's rap song to which I throughly butchered. Although I did write a rap song to remember the books of the New Testament once, I can only remember the rap up tell Corinthians and then it gets fuzzy.


Todays Fruit: Peace
Song in my head: God of all Glory
Verse: Psalm 4:8 I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety.

History in the making..

This is my last post from my previous blog...
I thought I would start this one where the other left off...

Whenever I pass a used bookstore I always go in and check for my favorite paperback comedy/mystery playwrites from the 1920's to 1940's. I have been collecting them since I was about 12 years old when my best friend gave me a few she found in an old attic. She knew I liked the old music and took a chance I would fall in love with the books too.

The ones I love are rare, simple and unique. They have stories of life and people that are a mystery combination of a funny and endearing story that is told in a way that no other publications does. I love everything about them. I love the worn covers in many different deep hues. Some have actors notes on them or a stamp from a small playhouse that no longer exists. Sometimes I find a ticket stub, a sketch, or a sweet little love note written in them.

I love old books in general because they have history to them. These playwrites are a unique rarely appreciated part of history that gets disguarded quite often and so they are hard to come by.

A few weeks ago I went up to Seattle with a friend to a Sonics game because I was given tickets from my job @Expedia.com. We spontaniously decided to exit the freeway near Chinatown for some "authentic" chinese food. Off the ramp we spotted a previously loved items store (thrift) and took a chance to happen inside.

Of course I went to the used books section. I skimmed as I usually do looking for the size and style of book that my special playwrites come in and nabbed it when I saw one. I smiled and told my friend who looked at me excited and said "It's okay to jump up and down". So I laughed and jumped up and down. Finding one was a simple sweet pleasure to find such a personal treasure.

What I realized later was that finding this silly little book that is literally worth not more than a dollar wouldn't be a treasure to a lot of people but its part of my history of who I am that makes it my treasure. It had been over two years since I had found one worthy to add so this made finding it extra sweet with some frosting of great thai food later on that night. I found my favorite place to get my "chicken curry" in Seattle.

One funny thing about this also was that same week the Wedensday prior to the game I had gotten a fortune cookie saying "you will enjoy a trip to asia" on it. I laughed later when I realized afterwords that I had enjoyed this trip to my Seattle China town Asia.

"Murder at Cafe Noir" is the treasure I found. Although after reading most of the first half of it I did realize it does not fit my typical criteria for being one of my collection. I had to make a exception in this case. Typically I like them to be written in 1920's and not just style of with the characters but with the great character of this book I decided it was a keeper. It combined several of my favorite things. It's french nature with coffee, mystery, comedy, musical and has depth in it's characters.

It's a very real story that starts off with such a intimate portrait of its characters that it holds you. It's a combination of a dinner theatre with a choose your own adventure book. The play allows the audience to choose some of the plot.

The opening has a great thought..
Rick --"Have you ever wished you could just close your eyes and wake up in the past, at a point in your life that seemed a trivial decision, but turned out to be the most important and perhaps the worst mistake you ever made? Sure you have. I have lots of times. But this time it was different. This time I wished I had made a different choice, but deep down I knew that I wouldn't -- I couldn't."

Rick is a private detective who enters a cafe noir under cover to investigate the death of the owner of the cafe. His statement could really get one to ponder things. I think back in my own life and realized that Wow is that true.

Small decisions we make every day can be great mistakes that impact our lives for many years. I know I can think of one that inpacted my life for many years. I never really traced it back to that one choice but now I see that and wonder. If that one choice to send that one letter I sent many years ago hadn't been sent where would I be now?

There comes growth through trials and so sometimes those mistakes are meant to be made it seems. If I hadn't made that one I wouldn't have learned all I have and experienced all I have. So like Rick I am not sure I wouldn't make the same choice. Of course I don't know the flip side of what could have been even better if I had chosen differently but I never will. I can just be content with the choices I made.

Those choices brought me through the valley, through the muck, over the hill to find myself falling into the big pit, and then crawling out it on my last leg to find a ocean raging wild that I had to swim through already exhaused making me go crazy for a bit, and finally finding myself standing back up again just in time to see the hill ahead with something sweet and beautiful telling me to keep going. Yes that was a intentional run on..

I needed the music to keep me going. It has inspired me and been the biggest blessing of those sweet whispers of messages from God telling me to never give up. It's what I keep seeing in every day life. I see there are promises from God that nothing is impossible and even when it seems like it is. The promises are in nature, people, music, and the Bible.

They tell me to keep going because you will get back up again. Even if you fall back down again to just get back up.... get back up again. His grace is always there through our oceans raging wild that we sometimes created in our bad choices. Those that we made because of our history tell our story. We can have peace in that when we have a "bad day" our history proves God has been faithful to take us right back and pull us to our feet once more. The song "History" by Matthew West really speaks of this. It's been such a sweet blessing to me on my commute.

Finding this treasure of a little known and loved playwrite with its opening just kept me on my toes to keep remembering to remember that those "bad days" even when we make bad choice we are growing and creating our History in the making. Gods grace covers our history and it's up to us to learn from it and keep growing, coloring our world with open fields of wild flowers.

Song in my head: Jars of Clay - love song for a savior